Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
