How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
