Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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