that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How does one acquire holy water?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
