Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You took a bar mat shot.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We left the knife in your bed.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
