About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
