If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
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jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
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My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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