Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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