i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
