Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
