I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
