the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
