my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
