Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
