apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We have started to decorate penises.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
