Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
