This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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