I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
