Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
