All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
