when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm passing your future prison.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
