my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
