I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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