He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
