saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you mean i was at the winter classic?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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