he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
