dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
