I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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