I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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