how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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