I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream