I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.