You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.