She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
