So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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