Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
