Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.