Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager