I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
