the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I haven't been this sober since birth.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What a dumb baby whore.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
