you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
