The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were trust falling into bushes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
