Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
