You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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