i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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