I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
