make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
