I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
