Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
