I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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