Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
