so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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