I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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