We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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