I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
