FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
