one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
