we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize