Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
