today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
