his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
