why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
