guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
