Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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