Sry I called you an 8
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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