I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
