Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
