Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
