I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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