i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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