Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
