Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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