This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
