i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
