nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
