So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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