Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
