I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
